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I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I did it out of stupidity, and immaturity. I love this woman, named Lauren Elizabeth Beale. She is the most perfect person to me, and though, everyone is flawed, I see none. I hurt her in the past, I betrayed her trust, and talked to a few girls. I regretted it immediately, and told them I was sorry. I don’t know why I did it, honestly, I just missed her, and I think talking to someone helped for a few minutes.. I understood afterwards, it was no excuse. I know now how to never make those mistakes again. I did have other flaws too, there were times, all she wanted were cards, or flowers, and I would forget, not out of not caring.. i’m just a really forgetful person.. I love this woman with all of my heart.. Other times, I could have simply taken her out to a movie or food, but I was not thinking, I realize all of this now..

I have been going to therapy for a few weeks now, and they are helping me try to cope, but it’s not working, I can’t stop loving her, it’s how I have felt for years.. Since 9th grade. But they have helped me realize my flaws, and how to fix them.

I am in the Air Force, and our relationship was hard, but we made it two years long distance.. I know she still loves me, but she said she can’t be with me.. it’s the worst pain i’ve ever felt in my life. She is now seeing another person, and it hurts so badly.. I was hoping it was a rebound, but it looks like they are going to date.. And she usually isn’t one to do that.. and She told me she would never date someone younger than her.. She was my first for so many things, and i have never felt loved by anyone but her, past relationships have killed my heart, and she got me to open up over time, and give her mine. I have been crying myself to sleep for weeks, and I can’t sleep or eat.. I have lost 11 or so pounds now. I am lost without her.. She is the love of my life, and I need help.. will i ever have a chance with her again? And i bought 200 sleeping pills, and I keep them beside me, every night, and every night they seem better and better to take, and just get this pain over with. We also talked every single night while we were dating, and now she’s blocked me from everything, and doesn’t call or let me call. I really don’t think i’m made for this world, i’m too sensitive, and learn too slowly.. I hope she can forgive me one day and we could talk about things. She’s always been my best friend, and my love..

I just want to see her in person.. I know she would look into my eyes, and know how very sincere I am.. I love you Lauren Elizabeth Beale, I always will. And no matter what, I will always be here for you, never abandon you, and you can call me, no matter what time. I have kept everything from our relationship, and none of it is going anywhere, I read all of our cards every night, look at every picture before bed, and wait for your phone call, before I cry myself to sleep.